So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize