giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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