Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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