My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
