dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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