Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
