Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
