oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
