i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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