Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
