In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize