sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
