my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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