FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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