Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
