capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
