went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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