Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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