I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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