This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
