gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
vagina is talking i cant
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dick very happy bro
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
