She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize