so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
