she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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