Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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