On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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