can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
