That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
