It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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