too bad you live with your parents still
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
