Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize