ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
