love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
