She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
