...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize