Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
