and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize