i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
