I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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