I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
