While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
