I love black thongs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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