i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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