somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
