Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
