He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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