Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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