No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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