yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
