does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
