but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
