we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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