oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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