dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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