I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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