Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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