I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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