I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
