Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize