Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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