Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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