its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
