can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
