Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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