I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
