in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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