Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
