Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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