I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
