Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize