plz talk dirty to me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
