Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
