So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
