FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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